I learned recently that some people actually make vodka from whey. I couldn’t believe it, and so I checked it on Google. Yes, vodka is made from potatoes. But in Siberia where they have snow and ice and snow and ice and no plants from which to make vodka from the sugars in the plant, the nomadic Siberians had to use milk as their only source of sugar from which to make alcohol. Hard to imagine getting drunk on milk, but they separate the whey from the rest of the milk (which happens when you make cheese) and ferment the whey. What gave them the idea to make alcohol out of the food we give babies, I don’t know. Maybe you just need to be drunk to survive the cold in Siberia.

One distillery sells a martini with the following ingredients: whey vodka, espresso and maple syrup. Boy, does this sound like a great agricultural product for Connecticut farms. Every month I see a news article about another dairy farm that stopped business in this state because the cost of maintaining a dairy herd in Connecticut is so high now that the price the farmers get from the sale of milk is too low to make a profit. We hardly have any dairy farms left. I’ve seen one after another bite the dust in Scotland and Hampton. But we do have a few dairy farms left in northeast Connecticut, and lord knows we have maple syrup. We could cheat and import espresso from Italy. And voila! The salvation of New England dairy farms! The farmers would be udderly happy. Of course, at these farms they would have to have a separate section for pure dairy products for children, and an adult section for the vodka martinis made from whey. Extra could be charged for those who didn’t like espresso in order to pay for a safe driver to take them home. Gee, Siberian vodka, made and sold in Connecticut. Isn’t that another example of our global economy today?

In case you hadn’t heard of any other whack nut uses of natural products, here’s this one: monkshood. Monkshood, also known as aconite, is a tall blossoming plant that is grown world-wide. It has been used as a deadly poison for years, including ancient Greece as well as medieval times in Europe. Currently, it is the most frequent herbal poisoning death in Hong Kong. It is considered one of the strongest poisons ever discovered, yet homeopathic medicine uses it in small amounts as a diuretic or to change the pulse rate. Actually, dead really changes the pulse rate.   So what’s coming next? Are they going to claim that the poison ivy plant cures ____ (fill in the blank: obesity, acid reflux, etc)? What would we be expected to believe? That scratching yourself silly prevented overeating, or that it distracted you from all your other pains in life?

Angela Hawkins Fichter