Dear Auntie Mac,
We’re experiencing an awful lot of backyard fireworks this summer that have proven terribly frightful for our pets. We understood the exuberance on the 4th of July, and in the days leading to the holiday, but it’s been continuing sporadically ever since, sometimes quite late at night. I don’t know who it is, only a vague direction, and with the woods surrounding us, we have never even enjoyed a display, only the disturbing noise! Ideas?
Enough is Enough
My Dear Neighbor:
Auntie Mac can indeed sympathize with your predicament. Several years ago she was attending a State dinner in Fiji, and had left Lars and his hunting dog Bathsheba to watch the house. One evening, Lars had gone to his fly-tying class, leaving the dog alone. He returned to the sound of what apparently had been a lengthy and unsanctioned fireworks display coming from across the fields—we know it was at least long enough for Bathsheba, straining at a window to join the action, to completely disembowel my 18th century Louis XV “fauteuil” armchair. Needless to say, when Lars informed me by phone, my distress was palpable.
I must, however, remind you that Hampton is a marvel of a town, where culture and earthiness combine to form—most of the time—a nearly-perfect place to live. Auntie Mac can assure you that while you may, in this, the oddest of seasons, have become more attuned to your surroundings and their attendant noises, fireworks, gunshots, or whatever they may be, have been part of the fabric of our community for ages. They remind us, for example, that we do indeed live in the country, and not Hartford or Manhattan, where, I can assure you, the explosion of ordnance is a round-the-clock affair. Here, the sounds connote hunting, target practice, or a birthday party. Malicious intent is usually not involved, and for that we can take a certain amount of comfort.
That does not let boorish and discourteous revelers off the hook, by any means. If the noise is happening after 10pm, for example, you are within your rights to notify the Selectmen, the Constables, or the State Police. Auntie Mac would first suggest, however, that you seek out (during the day, of course, and possibly with pets in tow) the errant celebrants, and tell them that while you enjoy the sound of a small brigade-to-brigade skirmish as much as the next person, you would truly appreciate if they could honor a reasonable curfew, for the sake of the elderly, babies, and pets in the vicinity. Be willing to assume that your neighbors are eager to make your life as pleasant as theirs.
And for those who just adore the sounds of combat at any hour, please be considerate of all people and pets in your area. Blow things up only on conventional holidays. Clean up after yourself—don’t leave sharp bits around that can injure bare feet or puncture tires. And do not shoot your gun in the air. Auntie Mac shouldn’t even have to say this, but it clearly must be said. Children over a mile away from this type of foolishness have been killed because of this behavior. And for heaven’s sake, stay sober-–one more reason, Dear, why tracking down the merrymakers the day afterwards is a prudent course of action.
Your Auntie Mac