It used to be that when you went to the grocery store, what you wanted was usually there. In mid-March I went to three different grocery stores, each from a different national chain. To my surprise and alarm, the shelves holding paper goods, like toilet paper, paper towels, and facial tissues, were empty. One of the stores had empty meat cases. I complained to friends about it. They had experienced the same thing. I complained to customers in the stores about it. They had experienced the same thing. I had a haircut appointment (fortunately that was just before the governor closed barbershops and hairdressers because of the epidemic), and my hairdresser said, “Try store X again,” so I went right after the haircut. The shelves for paper goods were empty, but there was a store stock cart with paper goods on it and two stock clerks putting the goods on shelves. I soon discovered why it took two clerks. One to put the toilet paper on the shelf, and the other to snatch toilet paper packages out of customers’ hands. This came with a sharp scolding, “No, No, you are only allowed to take ONE toilet paper package and ONE paper towel package.” I wondered if the next time I tried to buy toilet paper in that store if the toilet paper stock clerks would be armed. Other customers put their prized packages of toilet paper and paper towels in their carts, but I had to tuck mine under my arms because all the other shopping carts were in use. That never happened to me before. When I went and stood in line at the check out cash register, I stood behind a young couple. I complained that it was impossible to buy toilet paper anymore. The woman said, “Oh, my house is FULL of toilet paper.” Her husband turned to me and said, “Our children are young, but they will be teenagers before the toilet paper in our house is used up.” Well, I was born and raised in New York, not rural northeast Connecticut, so I thought of all kinds of things to say to her. But I didn’t say them. I thought, this selfish woman is actually bragging about her piggy-ness. What we need right now is a statute that makes hoarding of food and paper products illegal. The punishment? Well, at first I thought that hoarders of toilet paper ought to be flushed down the toilet, but now I think we ought to bring back an old-fashioned punishment: wooden stocks on the town green. If you are found guilty of hoarding big amounts of toilet paper, you would be put in the stocks, with your head, arms and legs through holes in the stocks. Then the police would hang a couple rolls of toilet paper on a rope around your neck. You’d only have to stay there for one day, but it would have to be a day that was raining or snowing. After all, a person like that is depriving elderly and disabled people (like me) from access to toilet paper, so the punishment should be one the guilty would remember.

I was pleased when all three of these stores from three different chains (Stop & Shop, Big Y, Walmart) decided to have certain shopping times limited to people age 60 and over. The first to do this was Stop & Shop, where only people age 60 and over could shop at the hours of 6AM to 7:30AM. I set my alarm clock for 5AM for the first such day at Stop & Shop. Boy was that hard on me. I am retired. I don’t remember every setting my alarm for 5AM before — 6AM yes, but 5? Only farmers and fishermen get up that early. I dressed and got in the car. It was pitch black outside and raining hard and was foggy. I took Route 6 into Willimantic going beneath the speed limit because I could barely see, thanks to the dark, heavy rain, and fog. Got to the store at 6:15AM. A television crew was there with their cameras to take videos of oldies going into the store so early. I went right to the shelves with paper products. Except that there weren’t any paper products. I asked a customer who had toilet paper in his cart what time he arrived. “Oh, way before 6AM, and I got in the line,” he said. “And we all went to the paper products aisle as soon as they let us in.” At that point I decided I must be asleep, but no, he was telling me the truth. He only had one package of toilet paper in his cart, although store clerks said they would let him buy two, but he felt others wanted toilet paper too. I hope that guy never runs out of toilet paper for the rest of his life.

A psychologist in the TV news was interviewed as to why some people were hoarding. She said: because in an epidemic it makes them feel like they have some power. Does that mean that hoarders didn’t pay any attention in science class in high school? Don’t the hoarders know that a house full of toilet paper won’t protect you from germs or from getting the corona virus?

Angela Hawkins Fichter