Years ago when my husband and I lived in Burlington, a friend of ours complained bitterly to us what a nuisance squirrels were around his home. He was flooded with them, he said. He went so far as to buy a Have a Heart trap and catch dozens of them. He then drove to Canton, which abuts Burlington, and let them go. To his astonishment he would soon be inundated with them again. He could not understand how they reappeared so quickly, nor could he figure out why there were more of them than before. It got worse and worse. This was back in the 1970’s when people didn’t have personal computers with email, Facebook or Google, nor did they have surveillance cameras around their homes. He bought another trap and captured each succeeding invasion of squirrels and drove them to Canton for release.

One day he was looking out of his front window and saw a man parked in front of his house who was taking a large Have a Heart trap out of his minivan. The stranger set it at the curb and opened the door. Lots of squirrels ran out. Our friend tore out of his house and asked Mr. Stranger what he thought he was doing. Mr. Stranger looked sheepishly at our friend and said he was trying to get rid of the enormous number of squirrels that were overtaking his yard and neighborhood. Our friend asked where he lived. Canton was the answer. Our friend then asked for his address, and when told he burst into laughter and confessed to Stranger that he was bringing squirrels to Canton to exactly that place to evict them from his Burlington yard. The men swapped names and phone numbers. They became friends and made a promise to never evacuate squirrels to each other’s addresses again.

That’s as much as our friend told us at first. I did see him still use the Have a Heart trap for squirrels. So I wondered about it, but didn’t dare ask. He had told us that his new friend and he liked to go in the wild now and again.  I thought, what if they really were in a new business where they caught squirrels and met with each other to release them at the homes of people who had insulted or annoyed them, i.e. enemies? One day with a joking sort of voice I suggested to him that he might be in a business like that. He smiled back at me and asked if I could keep a secret. Of course, I said (figuring I only had to not give out his name or address). His descriptive admission of sin wowed me. He and his new friend indeed did have a partnership where they caught squirrels and released them at the homes of the enemies of those who bought their services. Doesn’t sound so awful, does it? How about if 100 squirrels were released into your garden, by the birdfeeder, and beneath your eaves?  I asked him if they were ever caught. He whispered, yes, but only once, and it was by the police. Didn’t you get arrested I asked? Well, he said, the cop started to arrest us for breach of peace, but then stopped and made us an offer.  He said he could give us merely a warning if we would agree to give him one year of free, secret, monthly squirrel deliveries to his enemies. Naturally we said yes. After all, it’s only squirrels.

Recently one of my appliances broke. When the appliance repairer came to my home for the repair, he complained about the number of squirrels around his house. Where do you live, I asked?  Danielson, he said. So I told him the story of the Burlington/Canton squirrels. He got a very serious look and said he was now going to install his wildlife trail cameras around his house with a couple pointed to the street. He was beaming with joy. What makes you so happy, I asked?  I’ve used a Have a Heart trap to catch skunks and then released them, he grinned. No one better release squirrels on me. He will be sorry.

Should I warn that Burlington friend?

Angela Hawkins Fichter