Our family always gets together for the holidays at different siblings’ places. Thanksgiving is my responsibility. These last years have been a bit rocky, politically, and after a particularly explosive “debate” during our Labor Day barbecue, two family members — one stalwart Trump supporter and the other vehemently not a fan – claim they won’t come to Thanksgiving if the other is there, no matter the outcome of the election. Should I invite both my brother and my sister, or neither of them? Despite my own strong political beliefs, I don’t want a family tradition of 40 years to fall apart.

A Non-Partisan Hostess  

My Dear Neighbor:

Auntie Mac assumes that since you have taken on the “responsibility,” as you put it, of hosting what is arguably the most labor-intensive holiday event of the year, and have done so for a very long time, you have the type of grit and intestinal fortitude necessary to remain unfazed by your brother and sister’s feeble attempts at emotional blackmail. Although I certainly do not have the genealogical credentials to lay claim to any other knowledge of your family dynamics, I assume that these decades-long gatherings have seen their share of tribulations, from screeching, uncontrolled grandchildren to naughty uncles with hidden flasks to near-fisticuffs after football losses to disapproval of new fiancées with odd haircuts and piercings to unannounced veganism.  And through it all, the family continues to show up, the meal is served, everyone gets a good look at each other once again, and reaffirms that indeed, this is who we are, this is what made us and continues to shape us. Auntie Mac has always maintained that a “holiday,” like a wedding reception, is not something one should look forward to with dread and then grouse about later. If your brother or sister does not wish to attend, tell them that you and the rest of the family will be disappointed but that the choice is theirs. One might also be tempted to urge each sibling to refrain from antagonizing the other and allow Thanksgiving to be a “politics-free zone,” in as much as it can be with its overlying colonialist overtones (and if someone wanders down that alley, perhaps brandish the carving knife at the offender and remind them that they are free to depart at any time and please put down that dinner roll before you go). But for heaven’s sake do not feel as though you have to placate or cajole either of these two paragons of immaturity. My point, dear, is that as host, you are captain of this ship, and it will come as no surprise to anyone if you issue certain pre-launch orders regarding on-board policies: all family is welcome; we will miss those who choose not to attend; those in attendance over the age of six will remain cheerful and courteous to each other, and we will bask in the great good fortune that we are able to share this special event with people we love and cherish.

This year, in these times, that in itself seems important to remember.

Your Auntie Mac