Auntie Mac,

Now that they’re eligible for the vaccine, my in-laws, who live under our roof, are refusing to get it on the grounds that it’s all a hoax and on suspicion of microchips. I’ve put up with their politics for four years now, but I’m not willing to sacrifice my health. Any and all advice is welcome.

A Non-Conspiracy Theorist

My Dear Neighbor:

Auntie Mac wonders how, if your in-laws have so far eluded the open field of scientific fact for the shady undergrowth of conspiracy theories, she will be able to help you convince them of anything, but she is, as her field hockey instructor once called her, “a plucky lass,” so she will make an attempt.

Your predicament is tricky, since yours is a situation in which some family members are putting others at risk, though they might not see it that way. Your best first approach is, as always, empathy. Acknowledge that there is much confusing information swirling about. Auntie Mac herself remembers hearing that Bill Gates thought it would be a cracking good idea to slip a microchip into vaccines so people could finally be tracked and, presumably, sold more word processing software, or some such evil-capitalist scheme. The truth is much more mundane, having to do with the company making the syringes and their idea (not yet a reality) to put an optional microchip on the syringe label (not in the vaccine) to track actual doses—not people. However, your in-laws have simultaneously told you they believe that COVID-19 is a hoax. These two somewhat delightful—and polar opposite—worries make me think that what is really behind the pronouncements of these two older adults is fear. To them, and many people like them, there are just too many unknowns. And the unknown is often terribly frightening.

Auntie Mac suggests that, as patiently and lovingly as possible, you and your spouse have a sit-down discussion with your in-laws on how important it is for you all to feel safe in your home. Acknowledge their belief that everyone’s perfectly fine, but ask them to also honor your beliefs as well. Tell them that you will do everything in your power to protect your family–including them. Ask them what would make them feel more comfortable about taking the vaccine. Arrange a group video chat with a health care provider they trust, to explain that getting vaccinated is not only good for them, it protects our whole community; they’d be doing the truly American thing by stepping up to protect their fellow citizens. Remind them of previous vaccines they have received (including, possibly, the polio vaccine). And if the microchip fear still raises its ugly head, promise them that as a gift you will cover the cost of a full-body scan to alleviate their worries.

You do not mention if your in-laws routinely flout good social distancing and mask-wearing guidelines, and often return to your home after having spent maskless hours in close quarters with others who may be infected.  If this is the case you should set some ground rules immediately regarding current protections in your own home.

And as a last resort, should they continue to dig in their heels, suggest that there are apartment rentals nearby that are really quite nice, and you’d be happy to help them look for a suitable place to continue to pretend that no one is contracting this disease that so far in the US has caused or hurried the death of as many Americans as those killed in World War II, Korea and Vietnam combined.

Your Auntie Mac