Dear Auntie Mac,

After two years apart, our family is gathering together again this Christmas and returning to our traditions. Though in the face of inflation, which is really affecting at least our branch of the family tree, we would rather not resume our extensive gift exchange. We can’t afford it. My husband (and his pride) does not want me to admit this. Perhaps some suggestions on alternate types of giving might save face, ours and possibly others, and be acceptable to the rest of the relatives?

Penny Pinching  

My Dear Neighbor:

Even if the external brake lever of inflation had not been pulled on the careening sleigh of your previous holiday excesses, you are to be applauded for wanting this year to be less about accumulation and more about meaningful exchanges–of love, affection, and yes, a few thoughtful and specific gifts that express your gratitude for having the receiver in your lives. This idea that quantity equals love has become prevalent in our culture, and if you are now in a position (however forced) to try and turn that sleigh around, then by all means do so. A loving chat with your husband about each family member who you have overwhelmed with material possessions on previous holidays, and what you believe would be one item or gesture that would truly bring them joy is, I believe, well overdue. One certainly does not have to fire off an announcement to all and sundry notifying them that the well has run dry and there will be no more canapés flown in from Lausanne for Aunt Mildred thank you very much. But some sort of communication with your relatives—even at this late date—is necessary, explaining, perhaps, that the past two years have given your family time to reflect on what is truly important, and you’d like to try an experiment this year which is heavier on communal activities and reciprocal good deeds, and a bit lighter on material possessions.

Some members, especially grandparents, while understating perfectly your wishes to reduce your gift-giving and not holding it against you in any way, may themselves not be able to resist temptation when it comes to overloading the wee ones with items that all too soon find themselves at the swap shed. Forgive them.

Auntie Mac is certain that the gifts you yourself remember receiving are those that were memorable in their creativity, and which demonstrated that the giver had paid close attention to who you were. Their size, expense and quantity did not matter in the least. Even children appreciate gifts of an activity—an IOU for one local ball game, or a gift certificate of a riding lesson, and a small “companion” gift of a baseball or a horse pin. (Lars asked me to remind you that providing accompaniment and instruction on day-long ice fishing excursions are always appreciated; I will leave that up to your discretion).

This year may be a bit rocky, but you may find that other members of your family have, for varying reasons perhaps, the same mindset, and will also adopt this habit. Above all, no one will find fault with you. The trick, if one can call it that, is to continue to practice this principle of learning to live with less needless items throughout the year. In this way you can lead yourself, your husband, and your extended family toward a shared vision of putting people over things. Always.

Auntie Mac wishes all her neighbors a warm and peaceful holiday with friends and family, either in your home or held close in your heart.

Auntie Mac