Dear Auntie Mac,
I was invited to a good friend’s house for Easter where she introduced me to her new boyfriend. He was more than a little tipsy and more than a little flirtatious. I’m not sure if she noticed or not. She hasn’t mentioned anything. Should I?
A Good Friend
My Dear Neighbor:
One summer evening when Auntie Mac was eighteen, she found herself alone in a car with Otto, her boyfriend’s older sister’s fiancée. The boyfriend and sister had popped into a store to purchase something; the wedding was mere days away. Quite unexpectedly, Otto slid over to me, put his hand on my thigh, and said in what I assumed he thought was a seductive manner, “You are such a pretty thing.” I believe this was followed by some eyebrow raising and an attempt to blow in my ear. I was more puzzled than alarmed, and understood that this advance did not bode well for the future Mrs. Otto. I remained staring steely-eyed ahead, imagining Otto to be a large gnat who would retreat soon enough to his own side of the car, which he promptly did when his fiancée bounded out of the store.

Auntie Mac has learned circumspection the hard way, over the course of decades. But some strangely mature brain cell found its way into the slipstream of her consciousness that day, and she never told a soul. The wedding proceeded, the couple set up housekeeping, and they could be blissfully happy still, or they may have both landed in lockup before the end of the honeymoon. Regardless, nothing I could have said would have affected the outcome of their union. Couples learn who their partner is without well-meaning outsiders piping up about this or that character defect.

What, after all, is to be gained by such disclosures? One must ask oneself: for whom am I doing this? Sometimes the honest answer is a bit distasteful. We so want to be at the center of things, have extra knowledge that we can impart, and in a way this makes us feel more…important, somehow. That we matter. That we’re in the script. But truly, dear, no one will thank you for the information, and you may lose a friend, despite your protestations of being an unwilling recipient of alcohol-fueled advances.

Certainly, if the flirtation had escalated to near-assault, or if it lasted well beyond one holiday meeting, Auntie Mac would advise you to inform the boyfriend that if he did not confess his proclivities to his girlfriend, you would promptly do it for him. But since this is not the case, her advice is to simply be as good a friend to this woman as possible; it seems she will be needing your friendship and support in the very near future.
Your Auntie Mac