Dear Auntie,

I’ve appreciated your sage advice on raising teenagers. Thank you. We could all use help in that department. What we’re struggling with is hoping our 13-year-old follows our family rules when she’s at other people’s houses. Not the easy things, like “keep your feet off of their furniture,” but the stuff that keeps them safe, like – you’re not allowed to wander through the woods, or a mall, without some adult supervision. Should we simply trust her to remember the boundaries? Or should we speak to the parents of friends she’s visiting?

(Over?) Protective Parents

My Dear Neighbor:

Auntie Mac assumes, by the plethora of mail she’s received lately regarding the behavior of young adults, that here in Hampton, as elsewhere, collective thoughts have turned to Spring—the time when all things seem to burst and grow at such a blinding pace that we simply can’t keep up. We feel the need to trim, to tame, to train to the trellis lest nature outpace us, so we can observe our own design at our own pace before this explosion of proliferation is all too soon behind us.

Auntie Mac also wonders if, now that this metaphor has left the stable, she will continue to beat it to death. We shall see. There comes a time, dear, when we must trust not only in our children but in ourselves—that we have provided them with a moral compass that will guide them through the rocky waters of independence (yes, I see we have left the barnyard far behind). If you have imparted, along with your list of rules-to-follow-when-I’m-not-watching-you, a good dose of common sense, you may rest easily while your young person enjoys activities with friends. Make no mistake: boundaries will be tested (what, exactly, constitutes “woods?”). It is not your daughter’s friend’s parents you should inform—unless of course it is to warn of a dietary restriction, an early morning appointment, an upcoming full moon, etc. Rather, have a talk with the explorer herself, reminding her of family rules while conveying that you trust her to be respectful, use good judgment, and remain stalwart in the face of tempting invitations to go moon the elderly neighbor at midnight. You may certainly follow up the next day with a call to the friend’s parents, thanking them for allowing your child to spend time there. If there’s tea to be spilled, let them do it.

And remember, Spring is in the air. It affects us all, so be gentle, and understanding, and enjoy this season while you can.

Your Auntie Mac.