Phyllis Stensland was a neighbor in every sense of the word, always the first, in times of need and celebration, with a card, flowers, or a basket of blueberry muffins. Her service to the children of Hampton Elementary School for over 50 years was legendary. The school’s first paraprofessional, the Board Chairman would call her hire “the best educational decision” we ever made. There wasn’t a single child who wasn’t loved dearly by Mrs. Stensland, and they knew it. They might not have known how to read yet, or to write, how to count, get along with others, or share. But each and every one of those children knew this: “Mrs. Stensland loves me”. This tribute is from her first, her own, children.

My brother Paul and I are so lucky to have had a mother like her. We really hit the lottery and never took it for granted. You cannot pick your mom and to have enjoyed her love and support all these years was truly a blessing.

Mom lived her life with compassion and kindness. She listened without judgment. She gave without expectation. She helped because it was the right thing to do. Listening was her gift to us. She would really listen, care about what you said and seek to understand. She would make you feel special – like the only one in the world who mattered to her. She deeply cared, was totally invested in you and strived to build personal relationships. Always “in the moment” there was no one more “present” than Phyllis.

She loved sending and receiving Hallmark cards. We used to say she kept them in business. She would not just sign her name to them. She would write you a personal letter using all available whitespace on the card. She was there when people needed her for whatever reason. Baking pies, making meals or just holding your hand. She made countless desserts for bake sales and was always volunteering for pancake breakfasts. Her compassion was action oriented. She did things for you. She was always giving, doing, helping and supporting. A breast cancer survivor, she became a Reach for Recovery volunteer. She spent years listening to women inflicted with cancer to give them hope and information that could help them make the right decisions for themselves.

She LOVED children. She brought her compassion to Hampton Elementary School where she worked for over 50 years. She brought joy to the kids at school, and they brought joy to her. She often said, “I need them more than they need me”. Nothing would bring her more happiness than a child doing well, learning, growing, achieving and gaining confidence. She was not just a reading instructor – she was an advocate, mentor, friend – someone they could talk to in confidence without judgment – someone who would listen to them. For these years of dedicated service to the school and community, the town shut down to throw her a parade. This was one of the happiest days of her life. She loved riding in the antique car and waving at her students, neighbors, family and friends. On top of this, the governor also proclaimed that November 10th in the State of Connecticut would now be Phyllis Stensland Day!

Our nickname for Mom was “The Energizer Bunny!” She was non-stop energy. Always on the go – perpetual motion. She seemed “on” 24/7. Seemingly not requiring a lot of sleep as her “actively caring” mind was always at work thinking about us and how she could make our lives better. However, she did take time for relaxation. She loved her gardens, and they were beautiful. They kept expanding and were located on all sides of the house and down by the road. She loved watching sports when the kids played. She went to hundreds of our basketball games. She was a fixture. If there was a game, she was there. She very much loved the Huskies, especially the “girls”. When they won a championship, she wrote them a congratulations letter telling them how proud she was of them. They wrote back with an autograph team picture poster. She loved vacations with family. She went on cruises, spent time at the Cape with Paul and his family, went to the lake, the shore and loved flying down to Florida to visit family.

She loved spending time with the “girls”. Her very close and dear friends Ellen Peters, Susie Askew, Diane Becker and JoAnn Lowney. Not knowing what to get her for Birthday and Mother’s Day gifts I would buy gift cards for Hank’s where she loved to go. When I would talk to her on our weekly Sunday call, she would say that she and the “girls” went to Hank’s and had a great time. If she bumped into the Priests, she would go on and on telling me how fun it was for all of them to be together.

I cannot talk about my mom’s close friends without mentioning Joan Dupuis who we lost in a tragic car accident nearly 40 years ago. My mom was devastated when we lost Joan. When she called to tell me the news she said “Michael, I just lost my best friend”. I can still hear her words that day. There is a beautiful memorial at the library for Joan. My mom made sure to take me there to see it during one of my visits. My mom has a memorial in her house for Joan with a great picture of Joan with her kids at school and butterflies all around it. I found this card someone wrote to her. It says: “Dreams, hopes, memories and love…that is what Joan, and you, are made of”. A very fitting tribute for both.

My mom died in her house as she wanted – on her terms. “Bud’s spirit was in that house,” she would say. She was not going to leave that house. She spent nine years without my dad. They could not have been easy years for her. She missed him greatly – never really stopped grieving.

Phyllis and Bud – high school sweethearts – married for over 60 years, are together again. I can see them having their coffees together and going for long walks together. Enjoying and loving each other…the way it always was.
I can see my mom – rosary beads in hand – still praying for us. Caring for us. Making sure we are all right…the way it always was.

Michael Stensland