Dear Auntie Mac,

I find myself in a situation I’ve never faced on Christmas – spending the holiday all alone. My spouse passed away this year, a visit with most of my relatives would require air travel, and those who live in Connecticut have family members with compromised immune systems and we’ve agreed not to take risks. I’m grateful the rest of us are all still here, if not near, yet all I’ve ever known are large family gatherings and would so appreciate some suggestions on celebrating the holiday all by myself.

Alone for the Holidays

My Dear Neighbor:

First, Auntie Mac offers her sincerest condolences on the loss of your spouse. 2020 is not, as the Queen would say, a year that we can look back on with undiluted pleasure, and personal tragedy adds salt to an already devastating wound. But all is not hopeless, as a glance at your letter shows. You’ve indicated a desire to celebrate the holidays and not wallow alone in misery—a testament to your admirable spirit and pluck, and you are to be commended for that. Thus, remedies to your dilemma may be more plentiful than you think.

While Auntie Mac is usually one to eschew technological advances of nearly any kind (an exception being LED flashlights the size of paper clips; they are truly marvelous) she has more and more come to realize that our current forms of communication—telephone, internet, the now-ubiquitous Zoom chats—have been lifesavers during these oddest of times. Even Lars has become less grumpy now that he can attend his beloved “Anglers Away” weekly meeting online. Previously bereft to the point of trimming the privet into vicious, spear-like shapes, he now cackles happily in front of his computer with his fish-obsessed friends, extolling the virtues of something called a “Pflueger Patriarch.” (The other day he announced that due to his longtime and continued service here, we were now part of the same “pod,” a revelation simultaneously touching and ominous.) We’ve all been a bit slow at first to realize that, barring those among us who have sadly passed on, our friends and loved ones are right where they’ve always been, and frankly many of us have been in communication with them more in the past several months than we have been in twenty years. My advice, then, dear, is to spend as much time as you wish communicating with family up to and by all means including the holidays, and when you are not fielding calls, exchanging recipes, watching presents being opened, or listening to grandchildren tell you how very, very good they’ve been this year, try to be as kind to yourself as possible. Treat yourself to a small but decadent holiday feast. Go for short walks and enjoy the cool, crisp air. Chat from safe distances with neighbors and friends in town. Shouting across the street can be very refreshing. Check the town website for events in which you’d like to participate. And please do not be shy. Tell everyone that you welcome any and all communication from now until January 1. And above all, remember that you live in Hampton, and that means you are never alone.

Your Auntie Mac