Dear Auntie Mac,

Our neighbors have a pool and never invite us over to swim. We have a friendly relationship. We invited them to our barbecue when they moved in last year and to our Christmas party. Would it be too bold to invite ourselves? Hey – it’s a hundred degrees – can we bring our kids over to cool off???

Signed,
Being Neighborly

My Dear Neighbor:

Auntie Mac must confess she has never understood the allure of a backyard pool, no matter the outside temperature. A tasteful lily pond, perhaps, or a shoreside cottage near Le Touquet …She concedes, however, that for many, a small, enclosed plastic bin replete with eye-watering chemicals is the equivalent of paradise on earth. Why should she cast aspersions?

For those fortunate enough (and here Auntie Mac is trying her level best to be “agreeable”) to own this type of summer entertainment, life is not, it must be said, all cocktails and inflatable alligators. The one word that keeps pool-owning homeowners pacing the floor on sleepless 90-degree nights is “liability.” So many regulations govern the appropriate maintenance of a pool, from fencing to signage to additional insurance, it’s a wonder more people don’t just fill the whole thing with dirt and take up horseshoes. Additionally, the chance of someone from outside the family getting hurt, either while being carefully supervised or sneaking over the fence at midnight for some sans-clothing shenanigans, may make even the friendliest of neighbors think twice about inviting guests to join them.

And you did not mention the ages of your children, but it’s a rare occasion that anyone under the age of 10 can resist peeing in a pool. Your neighbors know this, and they are the ones who toil endlessly to clean it.

That said, there is no harm, especially since you maintain that you are on good terms, that you suggest a small neighborhood party in which they provide the pool and you supply all the food, lifeguards, towels, and pool preparation and cleanup. Tell them that you understand if that’s impossible due to safety concerns but that you think it would be fun for everyone, and if necessary you would be willing to sign a waiver of liability if that is their primary concern.

But by all means, dear, do not let a negative response ruin your relationship; in fact, regardless of the answer, make sure to assure them in myriad ways, from continued invitations to future events to assistance with chores, that their friendship is not predicated on an azure blue hole in or above the ground into which they have undoubtedly poured half their life savings.

And lastly, try to take advantage of the many natural local ponds and beaches that we are so lucky to be able to enjoy in eastern Connecticut. You may find that the siren song of chlorinated filter motors grows fainter with time.

Your Auntie Mac