I had a major operation a few years ago (reverse shoulder replacement), and since my husband is dead, I thought I better get one of those alert buttons you wear around your neck and press if you collapse and can’t get up, or have some other medical emergency and can’t get to a phone to dial 911. So I got one and wore it. The company said to test it. I was afraid to for fear an ambulance would come that wasn’t needed, so I phoned the company and was told to test it while standing right next to the plastic box on the counter, which was next to the land-line phone. It took me forever to connect this thing because I, being of sound mind and memory, prefer to make calls in my home from a land-line phone. I tested this alert button just once, and the alarm box went off on the counter, and someone asked me if I had an emergency, and I said no, I was just testing it, the voice then told me how to undo the alert call. I was supposed to test this alert button once a month, but I was so concerned about an unneeded ambulance coming that I did not test it again till July, when I collapsed in the garden while weeding (sciatic nerve thing) and could not stand up from the ground myself. Yelled for help, and a neighbor came over, picked me up under the armpits, and I walked confidently into the house myself. This previously happened in 2014, while weeding, and I stood up by myself and walked into the house to tell my husband. My joints must have been younger then.
Anyway, this garden incident convinced me I should test my alert button. Guess what. It didn’t work. So, I phoned the company who sells this particular alert button. They asked what the name of my land-line service company was. I told them the big S. Aha, they said. Well, your old company that was bought out by the big S had no issues with our alert button, but we find that sometimes our alert button works if the big S is your service provider, and sometimes it doesn’t. Well, I need an alert button I answered. The alert company said that they have not had problems with alert buttons that activate a cell phone in the plastic box on the counter. Fine, I said, I bought one, and they shipped it to me. When it arrived, the big installment issue arose. Firstly, I unpacked it and found that the plug for the counter plastic box was itself in a box. In other words, look at your toaster. It has wires covered in plastic attached to a regular looking rubber plug with metal prongs that fit into your electric outlet in the wall. This new gadget had metal prongs inside a small plastic box that was empty on one side, so you could see the prongs. I couldn’t figure how to use it. I called the rescue phone number that came on a slip with the gadgets and asked for help with the plug. Someone with a thick accent answered me that she didn’t know what I was talking about. I hung up and called again and again got a voice with a thick accent that couldn’t help me. I looked at this stupid plastic box with 2 metal prongs inside and figured, Angela, do not look at this like you are a male mechanical engineer. Look at it like a woman. What would a woman do in this situation. Fingernails! That was the answer. I used my fingernails and was finally able to maneuver the prongs out of the plastic box. The plastic box itself substitutes for the rubber plug around my toaster plug prongs. Huh.
So now I could plug the plastic box on the counter with an inside cell phone into an electrical outlet. But how to disassemble the old plastic box from my landline phone outlet? This needed an electrical engineer, at least, because my land-line phone cord ran through the old counter box, and I wanted to keep and use my old land-line phone. After a lot of finagling around I finally got the land-line phone cord away from the old counter box (which was very possessive, so it took a bit of work). The company told me I had to mail them back my old counter box, therefore there was a second incentive for freeing it from my land-line phone. All that was left was plugging my land-line phone cord into the wall plug for that line. But it would not go. I tried turning the tiny plastic plug every which way to get it into the outlet. Wouldn’t go. This called for a cup of tea (for me, not the outlet). The tea worked, and at last the phone plug went into the phone outlet in the wall. This success called for a second cup of tea and a scone to celebrate the success. Wait! I must try to make a phone call, and yes, the land-line phone worked.
I then called the rescue number to ask if I could wear this alert necklace in the shower. The thickly accented voice said she would have to call the company, then call me back. I asked where she was. The Philippines, she answered. She called the company that made the alert button and called me back. As long as you do not submerge the alert button, it should be fine. I only take showers, not baths. OK then, the voice said.
So much for the global economy. Used to be you could call the company that made something because it was made here in the US, and ask them to explain how to install something. My alert button counter unit was made in Asia. The rescue number was answered by someone in the Philippines. If she had a phone number to call the company that sells this unit, why couldn’t the seller give that phone number to buyers as a rescue installation number to call? Because the sellers don’t want to do any work, they refer installation rescue work to people in a foreign country. If you are in your 90’s, 80’s, 70’s, and 60’s, then you are old enough to remember when this wasn’t an issue with new gadgets, you just called a number answered by an American, plus the gadget was made in the US. So much for the global economy. As for new-fangled gadgets, I’ll let you know if the new counter box with cell phone in it works when I test it for the second time. After all, it’s only been a week, more or less, since I finally installed it and tested it for the first time, and I prefer to delay the agony of contact with the alert button company for just a little longer.
Angela Hawkins Fichter