My parents receive The Hampton Gazette and every month I look only for your column. I’ve noticed lately that you’ve been giving advice to parents of teenagers. I’m a teenager who would like some advice to give my parents.
I am 15 and my boyfriend is 18. My parents disapprove of our relationship. I remind them that we have been friends for as long as anyone can remember and that they are three years apart, too.
He is a caring and respectful person, and I like him a lot. Please help.
Thank you.
P. S. I love your advice and wish I could meet you sometime!
My Dear Young Neighbor:
Auntie Mac is beyond flattered at your kind words re: this humble column. May she suggest, however, that from time to time you also peruse the list of new arrivals at the library, on the off chance that something may appeal to someone of your obvious intellect.
There. Lecturing aside, we will get down to business.
Your query leaves much to the imagination. Auntie Mac can only suppose what motives your parents have from dissuading you from keeping company with your young man. She can surmise that your age difference may be something they consider to be alarming. Nothing strikes fear in a parent’s heart so much as the phrase “18 year old boy,” complete, one assumes, with car, hormones, and dubious intent (or, at the least, wishful thinking). It is at this juncture that a proactive young woman might want to venture into waters where few family members dare to wade: the Honest Discussion. You could ask them specifically what is at the root of their disapproval; don’t hesitate to request specifics, Above all, remain calm and poised throughout. Hear them out without resorting to what had been some of Auntie’s personal favorites at that age: foot-stomping, door slamming, sulking, and especially what my Great-Aunt Edna would refer to as “backtalk.” The object, dear, is to present to them a thoughtful young woman who is interested in pursuing a normal interest at her age, and who has the maturity to do so.
Sadly, Auntie Mac does not have the column inches to pursue a Venn Diagram of each possible scenario, so let us pick the one most probable, along the lines of “Well, you’re much too young to be serious about a boy.” It is at this point that your composure and levelheadedness should shine like a beacon into their terrified parental souls, as you admit (through gritted teeth if necessary) that yes, there is much you don’t know about boys or dating, but would like the opportunity to have them get to know Frank (Auntie Mac has no idea why she has named your inamorata Frank, but there you have it) and suggest that you all sit down together and discuss some . . . shall we say guidelines, regarding the time you spend with each other, to demonstrate that both of you can be trusted to remain safe while out of parental hovering, attend appropriate events while adhering to pre-set timelines, and display to your parents an ease and familiarity in each other’s company that suggests friendship and mutual respect, as opposed to what Auntie Mac’s former beleaguered headmistress would call “a quick grope in the supply closet.” But I digress.
You might also suggest that they reach out to Frank’s parents for a reassuring chat that establishes comfort on each side of the border, as it were. Fifteen is an age where a plethora of enticements peek out from all sides of the existential hedgerow, and you must demonstrate that you can navigate them with grace and confidence; that way lies increasing trust and freedom. So, too, must Frank demonstrate that he is not a felonious, animal-abusing deadbeat who’s left a trail of broken hearts from here to the Seychelles; informal conversations between you, him, and your parents will go a long way towards easing their disapproval. Provided that no rabbits were injured on the way to your doorstep.
Your Auntie Mac